the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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