Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
