got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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