PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
