I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
