Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
