so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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