I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
