Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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