i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
