How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
