you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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