um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
