It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
