im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
