I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize