I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize