K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
