I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize