So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
