I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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