I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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