i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
