New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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