Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
