i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
