But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
