have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
