Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
