i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
