Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
