lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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