You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
