theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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