you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
