I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
