just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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