Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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