they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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