It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
