Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
