Its about making memories worth repressing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
