No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
