I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
