I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
