So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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