ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
