By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
