you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
cat food counts as protein by the way
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
