why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
