oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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