We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
