It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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