at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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