2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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