Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
