Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
