When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
