i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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