dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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