Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
