when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
