You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
