mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
